I love competition, but maybe a little too much… I get stress induced tummy aches and make myself fairly unwell for around 48 hours beforehand, which is not ideal before competing because you need to be at your best!
I’m pretty sure it stems from my childhood, having played rugby to a fairly high level and competed in athletics to a reasonable level, I was always expected to be on top form, winning or scoring tries, and earning ‘serious’ talks afterwards if I didn’t perform well. It’s one thing being a supportive, it’s another when a certain facial expression from the side-lines suggests there will be intense discussions... This has led me to an inate fear of competing because I always expect the best of myself, it’s also much harder for me to compete for myself, rather than for a team. (Rugby, of course, is a complete team sport, and I was able to lean on my pals when having a nervous breakdown). This fear is, however, something I wish to work through. I know it will take time, but at the moment it is preventing me from wanting to enter races because then there’s a build-up in my head, that I try desperately to supress it by sweeping it under the carpet. Some may say I need intensive CBT, I’d just quite like a brain transplant...
Race day proper started after lunch. We had a game plan and were each paired with a teammate to keep us safe and ensure raced smart. We went off the line pretty comfortably. I hadn’t placed myself well at the start and ended up stuck at the back of the bunch – not where you want to be in a cat 4 race, unless you want to marry the tarmac!
A couple of laps went by and we were all just chilling - there was a cross-headwind and, coming up the back straight, I nearly died. Someone, including their bike, fell into me and leant on me until they bounced off me, which led my bike to snap sideways hitting the wheel in front and my bike then snaked across the circuit. I have no idea how, but I stayed upright and all I could think was ‘not my new bike!’ It all happened in slow motion… I could see myself about to hit the tarmac - and then I didn’t. After that I very swiftly attacked to try to string the bunch out a bit. It worked - a bit. I was followed, and the bunch came back, and then I was swamped. Immediately there was another attack by one of my teammates – great! The idea was to get someone up the road and leave them there, while the rest of us watched for counter-attacks and I would sit in after a while, as I’m not much of a long ‘interval’ rider.
We then got another rider up the road with a strong rider from another team, who I wanted to follow as I train with her and respect her wheel - she is very safe on the bike. But I’d been swamped as she attacked, which I’m sure she knew - it was perfect timing. Oh well! I then policed the front of the bunch, following attacks with one of her team-mates, which worked great as no-one else got away - apart from one more of my teammates. After this, I spent most of my time on the front or there abouts, as I was too scared of being taken out by the group, or just sitting in and enjoying the draft.
I got bored after a while and decided to attack. I got away, despite having a dodgy seam on my skinsuit restricting my circulation in my quads, which was more noticeable when I put in the effort to attack and meant I couldn’t get my legs to recover. But was quickly followed by a couple of strong girls marking me, and when they got on, they wouldn’t pull a turn, so we ended up back in the group. Stupidly, I hadn’t noticed the commissaire put the 3-laps to board out, so my attack was poorly timed (racing is a steep learning curve for a newbie).
Anyway, the final bell went, and people started moving up, trying to get away and I just watched everything happening, assessing the moves. We came round to the last bend and two girls on the front started winding up their gears. I knew in my head I didn’t want to stick around in the middle of the group for a choppy sprint and that my legs felt good. So I started my sprint 300 metres out... no-one followed, and I won the bunch sprint (although some now say it was a break away, because I gained so much space on the bunch... I disagree, it was just a perfectly timed sprint).
The experience was sketchy, but great to be riding with a team and my teammates were constantly shouting encouragement at me – they knew how scared I was, I really needed that support and appreciated it a lot. The circuit created pinch points and lots of surging - we flew into the rise which slowed the front down and then the rear of the bunch would swamp the front due to the variation in speed. I played my role well and followed the game plan, which I’m pleased with, and we ended up with 1st, 3rd, 4th and 5th, which is an absolute domination of the race! So, that's the first one finished. Next?
Ride bikes, eat cake, be happy :)
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